


what if we could risk everything we have

by holbitch



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 14:00:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17982437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holbitch/pseuds/holbitch
Summary: After a long day at work Jac gets drunk and invites Fletch over to her apartment.





	what if we could risk everything we have

**Author's Note:**

> This is unfortunately based on a scene from how I met your mother but don't worry this version is better because jac and fletch are both single and I love them and ted and robin suck.

Jac slammed the door to her empty flat and made her way over to the sofa. She sank into it with a sigh, not even bothering to remove her coat or shoes. It had been one of those exhausting, never-ending days where everything just seemed to go wrong. First, she’d had a patient die on the table in what should have been a routine op, then she’d spilled her coffee all over her desk, ruining hours of precious paperwork and finally, the hospital had been short staffed and both Fletch and Frieda had been called to help on other wards, leaving her to fend for herself against the stream of patients with only the incompetent F2s for help. 

But, finally the day was over, and she was home and ready to drink enough wine to forget it had ever existed. It was only when she’d finally gotten off the couch to pour herself a drink that she realized the house was suspiciously quiet. She’d forgotten that she had the house to herself for the next few days because Sacha was away visiting his daughters and Emma was with Jonny. Usually, she would have relished the idea of being alone for once, but after the horrible day she’d had, it would have been nice to talk to someone she actually cared about. 

Jac was on her third glass of wine when she started getting restless. The wine had gone straight to her head, and she was craving some form of human contact. Clumsily, she reached for her phone on the coffee table, almost knocking over her nearly empty wine glass. 

When she opened her phone, she saw she had one new message from Fletch. Seeing his name on her screen made her feel warm inside even though all the message said was _ok I’ll let the agency know_ , a response to an earlier text she sent about the profound incompetency of one of the agency nurses. 

She stared at the message again. Fletch. That's who she wanted to see right now. Fletch would know exactly what to say to make her laugh and to forget this horrible day had ever happened.

She tapped the call button before cradling her phone between her ear and her shoulder and reaching for her wine glass.

Fletch picked up on the third ring, just as she’d finished downing the rest of her drink.

“Jac?” he asked when he answered. “Is everything ok?”

“Of course,” Jac said, speaking slower than usual to ensure that she didn’t slur her words. “Why do you ask?”

“Because you don't usually call me at this hour. Or at all, come to think of it. You do know it’s half twelve, right?” he asked, and she could detect a hint of amusement in his voice 

“Is it?” she asked, momentarily taking her phone away from her ear to confirm. She hadn’t realized it was that late. She must have gotten home later than she thought. “Well, look at that,” she said. “I guess you’re right.”

This time she heard him laughing softly through the phone. The sound made her head spin, made her feel light and floaty. 

“So what’s up, Jac?” he asked. “What did you call me for?”

She paused, not really knowing how to answer. The truth was, she’d called him because she wanted to see him, because seeing him would cheer her up. The real truth was that she wanted him to wrap his arms around her and hold her in the way he was so good at. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to kiss him again. Unfortunately, there was no way she would be able to articulate all of that even if she’d been sober and if she wanted to. So, what she actually ended up staying was far less eloquent.

“I called to see what you're up to,” she said, feigning nonchalance and then immediately cursed herself. 

“You called to see what I’m up to?” Fletch asked. The tone of his voice had shifted from amusement to confusion. “At half twelve on a Tuesday night?”

_I don’t know what I’m saying either_ , she wanted to yell into the phone, but the wine had taken the reigns now, and there was nothing she could do.

“Yes,” she heard herself saying. “Because I just bought a new-” she glanced around the room and spotted a juice maker on the counter. “I bought a new juicer, and I wanted to know if you wanted to come over and try it.” 

She was met with silence on the other end of the phone before finally, “you want me to come to your house right now because you bought a juicer and you want to try it out?” 

“Yes,” she said dumbly, praying that someone would come and put her out of her misery. 

“What about Sacha, can’t he make juice with you?” Fletch asked.

“Nope,” she replied. “He and Emma are both gone, so I’m all alone for the night.”

“Oh.” Was all he said and then finally, “sure, I’ll come and make juice with you. Stevens here for the week so he can watch the kids. I’ll be there in 15.” Then the line went dead, and Jac was left staring at the phone in her hand. 

_Now what, Naylor_ , she thought to herself. _What are you going to do when he gets here._

Of course, she knew what she wanted to do when he got here, but that was out of the question. She couldn’t risk Fletch getting hurt if they were to blur the friendship line. 

She sighed. She needed another drink.

Jac was halfway through her fourth glass of wine when she heard a knock at the door. Her stomach twisted as she put her glass down and got up to go answer the door. 

“Hey,” Fletch said, greeting her with a grin as she opened to door. 

“Hi,” she said. She felt nervous even though she had no reason to be. Fletch was her friend, and he had been to her house before when he was picking up Theo from a playdate. But this felt different. There was no plan, no kids around, no reason for him to be there other than to see her. The air felt charged with electricity, and the wine was making her head spin. Maybe it wasn’t just the wine. 

“Come in,” she said after a beat and stepped aside to let him in. 

“Thanks,” he said as he walked through the threshold.

“Right,” he said once he was inside. “Let’s have a look at this juice maker.” 

“Juice maker?” she asked thickly, before remembering that she’d used the juice maker as an excuse to get him there. “Oh right, the juice maker, of course. It’s right here on the counter.” 

He laughed. “Something tells me that isn’t your first one,” he said gesturing to the wine glass on the table.

She rolled her eyes, but she didn’t answer him. 

“I’ll get you a drink,” she said instead. 

Once she’d poured him a glass, they moved to the couch. She was worried that things might be awkward since they hadn’t had a proper conversation in so long, but they quickly settled into a comfortable rhythm, talking about work and kids and other stuff. It was like nothing had changed. Like she’d never kissed him and then told him he wasn't good enough for her. Like they’d never agreed to forget about their feelings. 

When she glanced at the time on her phone, she realized that they’d been talking for nearly 45 minutes without even realizing it. 

Fletch had just finished his second glass, and she had started pouring him his third when he said, “So this is what you mean when you said we were going to be drinking juice,” he said, gesturing to the now empty wine bottle.

She sighed. “Ok, I have a confession to make.”

Fletch raised his eyebrows, but he was smiling. “A confession?”  
“Mmhmm,” she hummed. “I never had any intention of using that juice maker. I don’t even know how it got there, or if it’s even mine. I think Sacha might have brought it or something-”

“Jac,” he said, to stop her from rambling. 

“Right, anyway, the point is we were never going to be making juice. I just said that as an excuse to get you to come here.”

He smiled, and his eyes were shining. “Why did you want me to come here, then?” He asked. 

She shrugged. “I like having you around. Even when you’re being difficult or exhausting-”

He let out a low chuckle, and she laughed too. “Even then I like having you around.”  


“That’s good,” he said, and his voice was soft and careful. “Because I like being around.”

For the first time, Jac noticed that as they had been talking, they had moved closer and closer on the couch and now they were only a few inches apart. Close enough that she could count the flecks of gold in his eyes. Close enough for her to reach out and touch him. She could feel the tension in the air, and it made her nervous. 

Fletch’s wine glass now sat empty on the table, already finished. He was nervous too.  
He leaned closer and opened his mouth to say something else when his phone, which was on the coffee table in front of the couch, buzzed. Loudly. 

They both jumped apart, and Fletch reached over to check his messages.

“It’s just Evie saying that we need more toothpaste,” Fletch said with an awkward chuckle. 

But Jac knew that the spell had been broken and he was remembering the kiss and the aftermath and all the reasons why he shouldn’t have come to her house in the first place. 

“Listen,” he said, standing up and her suspicions were confirmed. “It’s getting pretty late and I should...” he trailed off and gestured towards the door.

She nodded. 

He walked towards the entrance, and she behind followed him, making sure not to get too close. 

“Fletch,” she said once they’d reached the door and he turned to look at her.

Looking at him made her stomach twist with guilt. She hated feeling like this, like she was hurting Fletch and letting him down all over again. He’d kept his distance since they’d decided to stay friends, never pushing any boundaries or bringing up the possibility of anything more and here she was getting drunk in the middle of the night and inviting him over to her house. Under the pretense of making juice, no less. 

He was still looking at her, and his face was inscrutable. 

“I’m sorry,” she said although there was no way she would be able to elaborate if he asked her what she was sorry for. 

He laughed, but it was forced and hollow. “Don’t be sorry,” he said. “No one forced me to come here, I knew what I was doing.” 

She sighed. Fletch was so good to her. Too good to her. He should have been mad at her for not being able to let him go even though she was the one who ended things before they had even started.

Why had she ended things? She knew she had for a reason, a good reason but she was looking at Fletch, and he was looking back at her, and his eyes were soft and sad and full of concern just like they always were and right then there didn’t seem any reason good enough for letting him walk out her door.

_It’s because you’ll hurt him_ , she chided herself. _Just like you hurt everyone who gets close to you._

But she had already hurt him. And that was the horrible paradox of it all. Either she let him go, and they both suffered, or she let him in and eventually she would make him suffer alone. 

“Right,” he said awkwardly, snapping her out of her thoughts. “I’m going to go, I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” He waved weakly and turned to leave. 

She felt her chest tighten and her heart start beating faster. It was the same feeling she’d had in her office when Fletch had said he saw what was inside of her and he liked it. The feeling that made her want to abandon every ounce of logic she possessed and do what her heart was telling her. She had wanted to kiss him. And now she wanted him to stay. 

“Wait,” she called. Fletch turned around, and she could see in his eyes that he was tired. 

“Jac,” he started. “I can’t keep doing this. You have to let me let you go.”

“Just let me say this,” she pleaded. “Early tonight when I confessed to you that I asked you to come here because I wanted you to be here, that was a lie.”

“What?” He asked, and she realized she had no idea where she was going with this. Of course, that didn’t stop her from rambling on. The wine had taken back the reins, and there was no stopping her now.

“I mean, obviously not a total lie, I did want you here, but I wasn’t specific enough. I asked you here because I had a horrible day at work and I got home, and I was alone, and I thought to myself, ‘I wish Fletch were here because he always knows how to make me feel better when I’m angry or sad’ and I always feel safe when you’re nearby and happier and…” she stopped herself, hoping she hadn’t managed to convince Fletch that she was completely insane. 

She hadn’t been that honestly in years, maybe even ever and there was no way she would have said any of it if she were sober but here she was saying it now. 

She looked at him, and he was smiling. “Did you just say I make you happy?” he asked and his voice was light, and maybe he was teasing her a little, but he was smiling so she didn’t care. 

She rolled her eyes and stepped towards him. 

“And that I make you feel better when you're angry?”

“Oh come on, you already knew that.”

He laughed. “I must not do a very good job then, the way you go off at work.”

“Shut up,” she said, but she was smiling too. 

Once again they were only inches apart and Jac reached behind him and gently closed the door. 

“Stay,” she said. “Please.”

He sighed. “ You have to promise me that this is real. You can’t change your mind 10 seconds from now, I don’t think I could handle it.”

She nodded. “It’s real,” she said. “I promise.”

He smiled, and she reached up with one hand and rested in on the back of his neck. She felt his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer and suddenly they were kissing. Jac stepped forward, pressing them even closer together and moving Fletch, so his back was pressed against the door. 

This kiss was so different from the first one, Jac thought to herself as she threaded her fingers through his hair. She wasn’t fighting with herself to keep her walls up anymore, not pushing Fletch away to protect him and to protect herself. Finally, she was being open and honest and letting him see her, even at her most vulnerable 

Finally, they broke apart, and Jac looked up at Fletch who was staring down at her. His eyes were shining, and he looked as happy as she felt.

“Ok?” Fletch asked softly.

“Yeah,” she said smiling up at him. “Definitely ok.”


End file.
